Monday, July 19, 2010
oh all the random thoughts:
sometimes i just feel like keeping quiet. nothing much to say. nothing offhand that you can think of to kickstart a conversation. yet the awkward silence is too much to bear.
but hey,
silence can be golden at times.
just that i hate acting as if im occupied with my handphone and look down whenever i just feel like avoiding from establishing eye contact with someone.
hate that kind of forced behaviour that's ever so awkward.
i guess people just have times when they really have nothing to say. while coercing yourself to comply with a comment feels even more unnatural and superficial.
i guess ultimately, just follow what your instincts and feelings tell you to. isnt that a whole lot simpler?
and of course, when the situation calls for it,
配合一下 la (:
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oh shit 5 days left to farewell party and the progress of my cards = 0%
EH IT BETTER BE FUN K JNRS IF NOT we will haunt you for the rest of the time we have in jc
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i feel myself improving abit more!
its been a long time since i felt this way.
and there's anan this wed finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy WAHAHAHA
hope more j2s come back this time :D
i rly miss warming up and laughing at each other in the mirror
i think if i did that during prac with j1s they'll think im siao -.-
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there's a reason why we do different things.
we're led by our individual principles,
our personal beliefs,
experiences unique to us.
and that's why we do certain things that may be infathomable to others.
but as long as you dont betray your conscience,
living for what you believe in is okay.
just try your best not to harm anyone.
including yourself.
(:
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i dont know how long it'll take before this barrier is taken down
but i really hate it
and i hate what ive done.
sigh.
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occasionally when i look back upon myself i realize that im still really immature.
i cant control my feelings. i get excessively engrossed in what i say or do sometimes. which can be considered putting myself into the mood but it goes beyond control which is certainly not good.
it takes time i guess. being more self-aware and conscious will really help. just that it takes the joy out of life sometimes. having to think about everything you do and you say is one of the criterion to demonstrate maturity and a developed chracter, but you lose the spontaneity and the ability to immerse yourself in the present.
which is one of the trade-offs in life.
just like ive mentioned before,
you exchange the maturity you've gained for the innocence you've lost.
and the price fo pay for maturity is a heightened self-awareness that brings about greater stress and responsibility.
"act like your age," people often say.
dw suddenly commented during h3 lecture that he admires one of our friends for his innocence because he remains oblivious to others' comments when they're ridiculing him. which is pretty sad in a way. yet some lessons can be derived from that observation - our society does not tolerate ignorance or immaturity (for lack of a better word with a neutral connotation to describe it), where one is unmindful of others' perceptions of himself.
ultimately, life is about striking balances (i think this was one of the gp essay questions from some random paper).
it's a difficult balance to achieve,
between work and play,
between control and being at ease
between family and friends
even between different group of friends
between holding on and letting go.
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anyway. that's it for reflections. time to get back to reality.
Endured till
2:13 AM
With my rifle and my brothers and me~
