Monday, October 12, 2009
i decided to split these two posts because one's supposed to be a nice wishing and the other a post to rant.
fuck it. like seriously.
i dont know why im feeling so vengeful only two days after promos.
i can't stand the fact that
I CANT. FREAKING. GET. ONE. DAY. OF. REST. WHERE. I. DONT. NEED. TO. THINK. ABOUT. ANYTHING.
i was really super looking forward to going derek's house to talk with him (and bh's erhem) to slack and just look at the sky lah. but ended up the weather was damn freaking hot so we cldnt go to the rooftop again. ended up talking quite abit mm and it was quite nice haha at least i got time to lie down and think about things and play with soft toys (:
stress stress stress. even aft promos, everything comes back in:
pw, planning for everything else, managing my schedule so i try not to pangseh anyone, and in addition to this, i had to spent time on math revision with my sister.
not that i hate doing that, i love going through revision with my sis cos she really needs it.
but i just dont know what the fuck her teachers are doing in school, probably cantering around in school, enjoying their nice salary and spitting only the bare minimum that salary expects them to. and the problem doesnt lie with her lah. she's tried her best to improve her math lo - doing math practice papers, asking me questions whenever i'm free. but there're alot of core concepts that she hasn't grasped from lessons. and that's really worrying.
ill probably chill off after a night's sleep. mm and music helps to sooth the raging feelings too :)
yea. there's really too many things happening at one go. when you try to shoulder the responsibility of being accountable to everyone, you find that there's too little time.
stimes you need to care about yourself more. i keep failing to strike that balance. and i always worry that i end up blowing it all, failing to appease anyone and losing myself in the process.
perhaps all of you are right. im too sensitive, im too concerned about everyone's feelings.
being decisive sometimes is really necessary. i'd rather spend quality time with all my treasured friends each time, giving my full attention, rather than try to fly around to accomodate everyone. what use is there if you go for a short period of time and leave soon after? being a fleeting presence who leaves the impression that you actually dont treasure that group of friends because soon after, you're gone with another group.
being pangsehed sucks. and pangsehing others suck even more.
i just hope everyone knows that i've been trying really really hard to fulfil my responsibilities as a friend. and sometimes i end up ignoring some of you. and im really sorry for that.
:(
Endured till
12:20 AM
With my rifle and my brothers and me~
