Monday, October 26, 2009
i finally couldnt take it anymore. i just flared up and let off quite a bit of steam in our classroom aft pw lesson ended.
seriously. i was damn shocked at myself aft that. like how i was stumped at my own actions when i made that um. empty space in the wall after scream.
i think by now the people around me more or less know i'm going on a mood swing.
(yep and so bear with me for now haha. i guess i just cant accept all the unhappy things that have been happening not to me, but around me)
promos.people have been worrying about it ever since blocks results were released. at that point of time, many people founnd their results disappointing. the people who were taking it easy and doing the bare minimum asked of them were jolted from their delusion that jc was gna be easy. others who didnt find their results satisfactory swore to improve better too.
for me, i didnt perform that badly but i kind of felt nothing. people were like saying,
"eh bbccd results is above average liao lah."
"damn zai liao leh"
i remember i was thinking about blocks' results last time. to each individual, the idea of "satisfactory" or even "good results" are different.
even to those who kept saying
"aiya block results dont matter. just promote can le :D"
i know that regardless of who you are, if you're a student, especially one in hc, results does matter that
bit even if you only care about promoting.
now that promos are over, most people rejoice over the fact that they're gna promote. what about the others who may face the daunting possibility that they may be retained?
and there're always those who expected to do better, but fail to meet their personal expectations. what about them? though they may have satisfied certain criteria, they may be feeling disheartened, having stumbled this time over this seemingly minor yet major obstacle in our years of education.
to those who may be retained,
年终考试仿佛像赶上一艘船似的, 若你不发奋图强，无法考到好成绩，无法取得上那艘船的资格，你就将被抛弃在原地上，无法在学涯中前进。这次的失败将使你终生感到遗憾。
i had so much trouble typing that bit of chinese omg.
but the main point is,
im feeling the heartache from the possibility that some people are gna be retained. i would give two hoots about people like the panda or some guailan kia, but if those people that you've come to like are gna leave you, its really heart wrenching.
and having to bear with the imagination or sight that certain people are really, really disappointed with their results hurts too.
coupled with the negative emotions i was feeling from the past week and the frustration i felt from pw that really built up when she was like being unreasonable with regards to the submission for wr, i totally exploded.
seriously. you need to find that balance between being firm but reasonable and understanding at times. that's why you fail so badly at being a teacher. that's why we HATE you. yep. i didnt expect that to come out from me, i didnt expect myself to flare up that bad, but i did.
today, you crossed the line. you broke the last straw. you finally pushed us to the limit for me, or probably the entire class, to really hope to see you out of our lives.
when liuyi pulled my hair aft i met the other mad ppl outside pe studio. i felt good. i felt something that i havent been feeling for a long time.
pain.that physical feeling of pain. omg. it felt so nostalgic from ncc trainings. dont take what i said wrongly. i wont go and slash my wrists like some retards, my blood's too precious for that :D
maybe it's how those really emo people feel. how the physical pain is a manifestation of the psychological pain within. it also helps to numb all that bottled up negative feelings that you've been suppressing within you.
i just need to talk. like jiehan put it, mtmt. whatever.
-
on a lighter note, im 34th in the cohort for econs HAHAHA OMG SUPER RARE LAH
it's probably the first and last time im gna score so well relative to the cohort.
and 64.8 is A leh LOL
so my grades are
AADDE
chem econs math gp bio
not bad lah quite happy liao :D
so in the end my prediction's correct!
i knew my math and bio confirm screw up de. not enough practice and not enough revision -.-"
-
and that jealous feeling is back. bleah
Endured till
6:23 PM
With my rifle and my brothers and me~
